You are home now.

I thought I had a pretty good grasp on the reality of the situation. But it wasn't so easy driving into Boise, overlooking Surprise Valley, and ten thousand other memories not to be repeated.

Last night, my dog and I went for a long walk, and I watched how other people live their lives on a beautiful, warm evening. We walked past the park where some people slack lined, and one guy read with his bike tipped over beside him. Other people living happily. Other people with the ones they love.

I know I need to make the changes I was so certain I would make in Brian's company. Enjoying every moment, living in it. But God, it's been harder than anticipated.

I got a hair cut and a job interview to be pretty and employed. Maybe something this summer will turn out.

"I guess I'll just spend it reading and hanging out with my dog," I said.

"Well maybe that's exactly what you need," said my hair dresser.

Maybe that's exactly what I need.